Through their love, I came to be

Sometimes healing isn’t about releasing burdens — it’s about remembering the love that made our lives possible.

I suddenly felt a glimpse of excitement in my stomach as we were approaching the village. 

I hadn’t felt a truly “positive” feeling in a while.

For the last couple of weeks, I had been inundated with wave after wave of grief and deep sadness, so it was a bit strange to feel such intense love, joy, and excitement all of a sudden.

As I was taking in the mountains, the pine forest, the houses, I could hear my father telling me — this is where he and grandma used to take the bus to go to the city.

These are the hills they would walk across to shorten the distance. This is where such and such used to live.

I could feel the excitement in his voice.

But I could also feel something else.

Two strong feminine presences: my great-grandma Adela and my great-great-aunt Anica. 

Together with my grandma, they were the ones who raised my dad. And they were the ones who taught him what love feels like. 

My great-great-aunt Anica (Sultana)

I grew up hearing stories about these wonderful women — stories about how they were kind and warm, how they never raised their hands at him, even in times when that was the norm.

How they worked so hard to make sure he had good clothes and toys, in a time when those were a luxury.

How they did everything in their power so that he could have an education and become a man. 

It was their excitement I was feeling.

They were so happy that we came to see them — especially since we came together: my dad, my uncle, and myself.

In Family Constellations, we talk a lot about the burdens we inherit from our ancestors — the entanglements, the hidden loyalties that prevent us from living full lives.

But we don’t talk as much about the good things we inherit. Their talents, their resilience, their strength, and — most importantly — their love.

I had rarely, in any of my spiritual practices, felt so much love as I felt from my great-grandma and great-great-aunt.

It was pure. Unconditional. Limitless and free of any suffering.

These two strong women had both carried heavy fates. They went through wars, loss, poverty, and hardship. 

But I could feel none of that as I knelt in front of their graves. 

I could only feel the love. Their happiness that we came to see them. 

“Thank you for loving my father so dearly. Thank you for your tenderness and love. If it wasn’t for the way you loved him, maybe I would have never been born. Maybe I would have never felt so loved myself. Thank you.”

That’s what I felt to tell them. It wasn’t about giving back burdens or honoring their fates. It was simply gratitude — for their love, and the ripple effects it had in my father’s life and in my own.

It was thanking them — because without them, I wouldn’t be alive today. 

I left the village with a profound feeling of peace and power.

A feminine power that doesn’t come from doing anything, but simply from having faith — and knowing I am deeply loved.